Anxiety often strikes you over small issues, and if it becomes overwhelming, I recommend seeking help from a professional. BUT, if you choose to confront your anxiety by acknowledging it—admitting that you are anxious—THEN DO IT NOW!
For example, something as simple as turning down a friend’s invitation to go clubbing might lead you to overthink it several times, making your head spin and leaving you unmotivated to do anything. You’re just saying no to going out, yet the discomfort, guilt, or awkwardness of it keeps haunting you.
Feeling guilty can ruin your mood for the entire day, especially if you overthink it. But if you really think about it—is it such a big deal to just say no? To simply decline? It’s just one night you’re not spending with your friends because you want some time to yourself.
Friendships are undeniably important in life. As humans, we’re social creatures who need to develop social skills—even just a little. At the very least, having friends makes you a valuable creation of God. By forming connections, you’re fulfilling your role as a human being. And the more friends you have, the greater the opportunities to enjoy the benefits of social life.
But unfortunately, not everyone enjoys having a loud, bustling social life. Sometimes, like right now, you just want to be alone and decline others’ invitations.
Let’s set aside that invitation from your friend last night to go clubbing. Instead, let’s focus on the discomfort you feel within yourself because of your friendships.
Okay, I’ll admit—being a kind person often takes effort. It requires you to go above and beyond to build a positive social image, maybe even to earn the label of “a good person.” And that’s perfectly normal because you’re one of the few people in this world with a soft, kind heart.
Remember, you’re just one among billions of people on this planet, and only 0.0000-something percent of them are your friends.
Your body has its limits. Think back to yesterday—what did you do for yourself? It probably felt like 24 hours in a day wasn’t enough as you stayed up late just to finish things you couldn’t get done earlier.
The same goes for constantly trying to make your friends happy when they’re with you. You’ve been so busy being kind to others that you’ve forgotten to be kind to yourself.
Friendship is a two-way street. If they’re your friends, that means you’re also their friend. The same dynamic applies to family, communities, school, or even coworkers.
You’re a friend, and so are they. It’s a two-way relationship with the same title, the same rights, and the same responsibilities. Talking, listening to each other’s stories, spending free time together, shopping, or having coffee at a restaurant—these are all part of being a friend. You do your part, and so do they. It’s all interconnected.
That’s the essence of friendship—it’s about doing things together. But eventually, there will be times when one of you feels down while the other feels happy. Balancing these contrasting emotions requires the right frequency to ensure the friendship doesn’t fall apart.
That’s what friendship is about, and that’s also what it means to be social beings. As humans, we are created with unique physical and mental characteristics, which naturally demand us to adapt to our environment. Similarly, others also need to adjust their circumstances to align with yours. It’s always a two-way street.
So, why are you still dwelling on your decision to say no yesterday? Why do you feel like you’ve disappointed your friends just because you couldn’t meet their expectations?
Why You Do Not Need to Please Everyone in Friendships
Friendship requires two or more people to interact and do things together with a shared purpose. In life, you’ll have friends who aren’t that close—people you only talk to when necessary—and close friends with whom you can spend half your day connected.
When the bond is that close, combined with your gentle heart and the "good person" label you carry, you can’t bear to let any of your friends feel disappointed, even over something small—what seems small to you, at least. Everything has to appear fine and happy, even though you’ve already reached your physical and mental energy limits for the day.
This is exactly why you don’t need to please everyone. It’s okay to prioritize yourself, to value your well-being above everything else, without feeling guilty for the choices you make.
You Have Limits, and So Do Your Friends.
In a single day, the average person already loses about 8 hours just to sleep, leaving only 16 hours to get everything done. That’s a big chunk of time gone before you’ve even started tackling your daily activities.
Your busyness and energy limits are constant challenges on normal days, and even reducing your exhaustion takes effort. So, set boundaries and focus only on what’s essential in your daily life if you don’t want to drain yourself emotionally and physically.
This is because you’re human, and so are your friends.
Every person has different levels of energy, fueled by different calorie intakes, to handle different tasks. Your job or school may demand both your mind and body, consuming most of your energy reserves.
And then there are social expectations in friendships that pressure you to always make others happy. If you still have the energy, then sure, do as you wish. But if you’ve reached your limit, then it’s time to stop.
Losing energy can take a toll on your body, starting with something as simple as fatigue and eventually leading to a bad mood. If you’re lucky, this might only last an hour or two. But if it goes on for too long, the responsibility to take care of your body becomes even greater.
It’s okay to not please your friends when your body and energy levels are already depleted. After all, they’re social beings just like you, with their own limits too.
The difference is, when you’re nearing your energy limit, your friends might not be. And that’s where the challenge arises.
If both of you were running on empty, it would be impossible to engage in something enjoyable. But this time, one of you still has plenty of energy to spare—and that’s perfectly normal.
Saving your energy and managing your limits should be a priority, because your day doesn’t end when your friends need help or want something from you. There’s more ahead. Don’t spend too much energy on things beyond your capacity. Interact as you’re able, and if you can’t, communicate it clearly.
Friendship, after all, should be about mutual understanding, right?
Not Everything Has to Leave a Good Impression.
As humans, we’re often expected to always be good. For example, when applying for jobs, you’re required to provide a clean criminal record, right? Or when introducing yourself to your potential in-laws, a good impression increases the chances of gaining their approval.
This is part of our duty as humans to keep the world in order. But that’s not the point here. You can strive to always do good and be a good person, and yes, that’s beneficial for your life.
However, being good doesn’t mean avoiding mistakes. Every person has their lowest points and their darker sides. These imperfections are what make us human—not perfect, not even in your own eyes or in the eyes of others.
As you build more and more positive impressions about yourself, the weight of carrying them grows heavier. Too many “good impressions” can make you overly sensitive to small mistakes that clash with your values. In the end, these tiny slip-ups can spiral into negative thoughts that eat away at you.
Mistakes are a natural part of life, as long as they’re still within the bounds of what you and others can tolerate—including your closest friends. You don’t have to be “good” every single day just to maintain the label of a “good person.” Instead, accept that no one can always make others happy.
It’s okay if you don’t make your friends happy on a particular day. They’re human too, with their own flaws, and there will be times when they might disappoint you with their refusals.
This is part of being human—our lives need balance. Be kind when you genuinely can, but don’t force it. The best approach is to first ask yourself: will this act of kindness or this effort to maintain a positive impression leave you more exhausted for the day? Or worse, will it drain you for the rest of the week?
If the answer is yes, prioritize yourself. Explain to your friends that you need time for yourself and that you’re not in a position to agree to their requests right now. It’s better to be honest than to push yourself beyond your limits.
Friendship Problems Are Inevitable—Accept Them.
From the moment you were born, you were faced with your first challenge: breathing in new air, oxygen, forcing it through your nose and into your lungs to make them work—something you never had to do while in your mother’s womb. This was the beginning of life’s challenges as a human being.
Life will never go as smoothly as you imagine. Every path is met with obstacles as you work toward the life you desire. Problems will always be a part of living, and it’s about confronting them, not avoiding them.
Friendship, like any social interaction, involves connecting with people whose thoughts and perspectives are different from yours. Even physically, no two people are exactly alike, right?
These differences make it challenging to find harmony, but that’s part of the process. It’s normal—just accept it.
It’s normal because you’re different individuals. You and your friends have different bodies, different physical and mental capacities, and even different daily responsibilities and problems. Not everything needs to be your responsibility, especially when it comes to making them happy or easing their burdens.
It’s fine to help, but always consider your own capacity. Issues in friendships will always exist, whether big or small. Your role is to face them and work through them.
Not making your friend happy might be an issue, but it’s one you’ll need to confront to strengthen your friendship. It’s about reaching a point where you and your friend understand each other without forcing expectations, so minor issues don’t escalate into bigger ones.
Yes, saying no to your friend can be a problem—but life is full of problems, and that’s just part of it.
Your Friend Might be Okay at All, Like What You've Thought to Them
If you feel obligated to please your friends all the time, ask yourself—do your friends make the same effort for you? Ironically, you’re also their friend, so are they experiencing the same feelings you are?
By putting yourself in your friend’s position, you can help your brain project their emotions. It shifts your perspective to understand how you’d feel if your friend disagreed with you, or if they didn’t want to go out partying with you that night.
The feelings you experience when playing the role of your friend help you see how they might feel when you turn down their invitation. If you can accept that your friend might reject you without any explanation, you can also learn to let go of any unnecessary pressure.
After all, you can always go or do something on your own, or reschedule to do it together later. Perhaps when your friend turned you down, they were dealing with personal issues, or—again—they might just be out of energy, and you, fortunately, are not.
If you force your friend to join you that day, doing it out of obligation will only make both of you feel worse. They’ll feel pressured to enjoy themselves, and you won’t truly enjoy it either. In the end, this only creates bigger problems.
You’re Not Just Their Friends
Turning someone down every now and then won’t create a major issue, because your friend will always have other options, like inviting someone else or canceling their plans. Friendship requires at least two or more people to build that connection, and you’re not the only one who can make them happy.
The same goes for you. If one of your friends is making you feel uncomfortable that day, you can always reach out to another friend or family member to spend time with.
That’s how socializing works. Your friend’s circle isn’t limited to just you, and your presence isn’t necessarily as special as you might think—sorry, but it’s true—unless you’re a guest star in the situation.
You’re there to add energy to their activity, just as others contribute to the gathering. Don’t feel like you’re so important to everyone that it becomes a burden on you.
In the end, your role and theirs are the same: you’re friends, and you’re both humans with limits. You spend time together, and many factors contribute to your friendship, helping you complement and understand each other.
Wrapping Up
Being a friend and having friends is one of the many social aspects of life. You’re not alone in going through your days, even though you’re the main character in your own life.
The "good" label you tirelessly maintain can actually make you more exhausted because you feel responsible for not disappointing your friends. But it’s not your responsibility to bear that weight.
Every person, including you and your friends, has different limits each day. So, you need to recognize that constantly pushing yourself to maintain your "good" label can lead to fatigue when you keep exceeding your own boundaries.
It’s perfectly fine to not please your friends once or twice. After all, your friends have likely disappointed you at times too. It’s not a big issue—just a challenge that helps strengthen the quality of your friendship.
Constantly stressing about pleasing others for the sake of friendship can lead to physical and mental exhaustion. You need to value yourself, even just a little bit.